Ducks in a Closet
by lilyleia78
Summary: The ducklings land in a bit of trouble while searching a patient's house.


Written for starandrea's puppypile meme over on LJ. Feedback is love.

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Ducks in a Closet

"Why does the short guy have to be on bottom?" Taub grumbled as Thirteen's shifting brought her elbow into up-close and almost too-personal contact with his thigh. Somewhere from the other side of her, the surgeon could hear Kutner maneuvering, hopefully in an attempt to get off of Thirteen so that she could get off of him.

Kutner's voice was strained and annoyed when he answered, "So sorry. The next time we're on the verge of being arrested for B&E I'll be sure to take height into consideration before finding us a safe hiding place."

Taub had been halfheartedly searching the bottom of a random closet in Mrs. Steinberg's neat, tidy apartment for something that would explain her symptoms – a rare, life threatening toe fungus maybe – when Kutner had shoved Thirteen on top of him, climbed into the other side of the closet, and shut the door.

"In case it escaped your limited attention span, we were not on the verge of being arrested. There was no mysterious noise, no friend or neighbor coming to check on poor old Mrs. Steinberg, and definitely no police." Taub shot back. "In fact, at this point I would welcome the police."

"Would you two cut it out?" Thirteen, who up to this point had been perversely calm about the whole thing, appeared to finally be snapping under the strain of being trapped in a closet with bickering coworkers. "God," she said, mostly to herself, "This is like a tired sitcom plot. I can't believe there's no door handle on the inside." She twisted to glare at Kutner. "How'd you even manage to shut the door with no handle?"

"Momentum." He whispered, tilting his head distractedly toward the aforementioned door. "Shh, I hear something."

"Not this again!" Taub started, but then he heard it too, muffled voices on the other side of the door.

"Kutner?" A feminine voice called.

"Taub?" A man's voice this time, with a noticeable Aussie accent.

"Guys?" And yes, that was definitely Foreman.

"In here," Thirteen called back, pounding on the nearest wall to get the attention of their boss's previous fellows.

The door opened abruptly, and Taub half-thought they would all come tumbling out like clowns from an overstuffed car. Apparently they were too tightly wedged in for that, and the trapped fellows just gazed gratefully up at their rescuers. Foreman, Chase and Cameron stared for a moment, apparently too confused and/or stunned to react. Chase broke the spell with a bark of laughter. Cameron shot him a reproachful look but was failing pretty miserably at holding back a smile of her own.

Foreman just looked resigned. "What? How?" he began, but held up a hand when Kutner opened his mouth. "You know what? Never mind. I don't really want to know."

It shouldn't have been too difficult to remove three adults from one closet, but apparently six highly trained doctors were a little too qualified for the task. And just as Thirteen had worked herself into a standing position; they all heard it – the sound of a door opening.

Before anyone had time to object, or perhaps raise the opinion that maybe someone else from the hospital had noticed their lengthy absence, Kutner had swept the three new arrivals into closet and locked them in again.

Someone let out a high pitched shriek of outrage; Taub was fairly certain it was Chase, but it was hard to be certain with a lapful of neurologist blocking his view.

"Not this again." Taub mimicked Thirteen's earlier actions, and began shouting and pounding on the door. "I don't care if it is the police; I can't be stuck here another second."

This time when the door opened they did tumble out in a tangled pile of legs and arms. And found themselves blinking up at House and Wilson. Wilson tried to hold in his laughter for about three seconds before giving in to his mirth. House just smirked at the heap of bodies on the floor.

"Go ahead," Foreman said with a long-suffering sigh, "make your little closeted jokes."

"Me?" House looked sincerely shocked at the idea, a little _too_ sincerely shocked. "Would I comment on the sexual orientation of my employees?" Everyone froze for a split second as seven pairs of disbelieving eyes landed on him. "Well, not when it would be this easy. Where's the fun in that?"

Wilson smiled a private smile and bent down to lend a hand. House ignored the extraction process in favor of checking out Mrs. Steinberg's DVD collection and running an impromptu differential, totally undeterred by his teams' complete and total lack of interest.

House didn't make any snide remarks or jokes at their expense the whole time they were separating or during the search for mold he made all seven of them conduct afterwards. It was really nerve wracking actually.

"You know Wilson," House said with forced casualness as they were all walking out the door. Wilson's private smile was back, and the six doctors behind them tensed, even though it was kind of a relief to get it over with. "If you'd told me that an orgy was an option, I'd have done a team building exercise months ago."


End file.
